Sunday, November 22, 2009

So, Do you have any children?

I hate this question. Most people would not even think that this can be a hurtful question, and I wouldn't expect them to. It sounds like such an innocent question, doesn't it? I never know quite how to answer this and honestly, my answer can change from day to day.

First off, yes I do have a child. I would never try to deny that I do. Is he here right now? No. To understand the issue at hand, say if someone asks, "Do you have any children?" I can answer in two ways.

Yes, I have a son. Then they always ask me how old he is. That's a tricky one. Well, he would have been three this week, or he died at 11 months. There are many possiblities with this one, but with each one I am sharing with this perfect stranger that my son has died. It is horrible to say this but the look of shock on peoples faces can be quite humorous. They have no idea what to say next. I know it is wrong to think that but talking about my son does not bother me most days.

Here is the second possible answer...
No, I do not have any children. At this time, on the earth, present, living and breathing? No, Not at this time. This one especially hurts to say this, it actually takes my breath away. I feel like I am denying my son and his importance in this family. He did exist on this earth and he is apart of my life. I want to scream to the high heavens that this beautiful boy made me a mother and it was the most wonderful 11 months I have had in my life. But sometimes I just can't to do it. I can't explain that my son is not here anymore, and I can't try and make someone else feel better because I just shocked them with the news.

In my line of work, I feel that it is important that I am able to bond with the families I serve. By sharing my personal life, I am able to do that. If a parent that is new to me asks that hurtful question(innocently) I usually can't say no. I have experienced the look on parents faces when they realize that I can't possibly know what they are going through when I do say no. I do understand. I understand being up all night, I understand the all day and all night medications, doctor's appointments, therapies, and hospital stays, I understand that you are scared for the future, and I understand your grief.
I never thought looking back that this would be such a challenging issue for me. So if you are with me and someone asks, "Do you have any children?" please don't judge me because of the way I chose to answer this. Grief is difficult
Now for you veiwing pleasure, because I can't talk about him without everyone seeing how adorable he is ...
My Beautiful Boy.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What does the cow say??

Eat More Chicken??

When Hubby and I were trying find ways to become more economical we decided to start looking for deals and sales on food and we started to grind our own meat. Sure, we could have just bought a bunch of Ground Chuck but that is not very healthy now is it? So we began looking for quality meat at a good price. We buy what we can and separate it into portions and freeze it. Tonight I was going to make taco meat. Since we have had meat for two nights I decided to do chicken instead.

First, I started with a frozen skinless, boneless chicken breast. I defrosted it and cut into little cubes.

I do realize that these pictures are a little gross because of the raw meat and all but I preferred to be thorough with my presentation on grinding meat. ;)

Next I fed it into the grinder. We use our Kitchen Aid for grinding, which has really payed for itself, but if you are interested in grinding your own meat you can always buy a manual one.

Here is the chicken ground up. One of the benefits of grinding your own meat is that you are able to control, to an extent, the amount of fat that you put into your meat.

Here is the chicken cooking. It looks a little like scrambled eggs but trust me it is chicken.

And here it is fully seasoned! Yum!

This is a picture of our dinner.

We don't always use ground meat or chicken with our meals but it is a good alternative for stews and soups, etc. Plus it stretches a bit further once it is made. It was a great dinner!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Campbell Family Update!!

I would like to do a monthly update in addition to all the weird rants and ravings I may post about, to give, you all that I don't see on a daily basis, an idea on whats going on in our life.

To start...
Hubby continues to work 7 days on 7 days off on the 3-11pm evening shift on the Oncology Floor of Children's Hospital. He volunteers to work a few extra shifts throughout the month to earn some extra money. He is also on his second semester of school going for his Masters of Science in Nursing with a degree of Nursing Education. I really look up to him at all he has accomplished over the last two years and he is still at it.

I am still working with children with special needs. I have a full caseload at the Arc and I still work for the state doing services on Saturdays. I am also STILL waiting for approval from the insurance company for the procedure I want...we are going on a little over a month since I submitted my paperwork...partly because the medical assistant at the doctors office let it sit on her desk forever!! Incredibly annoying... I wanted to wring her neck! MOVING ON!

I am hosting this years Thanksgiving dinner. I am so excited! Hubby thinks I am going to dry out the turkey...he also thinks I can't cook...I can, he just does it better. I will post a picture of our Thanksgiving table and it will taste good!

Hubby and I also became official members of Trinity United Methodist Church in Homewood. We have been married over 4 years and we decided to go ahead and settle down. Ha! I really like our new church and feel so comfortable there. Part of the reason it took so long to decide on a church was our upbringing. Hubby and I came from completely different Christian backgrounds. After a lot of searching, we met in the middle and are happy.

On November 6th we mourned the second anniversary of our son's death. We spent a beautiful day the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament and just spent time together as a family. This year, Thanksgiving will also be Brayden's 3rd Birthday and we plan to eat and distribute the blankets and toys to the local hospitals.

Tune in next month(or check everyday) for another exciting post of the Campbell Family Update!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Where To Go Now??

I'm stuck.
I have a great marriage and I love my husband.
I have a good job and I really enjoy it.
Why do I feel so stuck? I keep waiting for the next part to start, and I feel like someone has pressed the pause button on my life. Hubby keeps encouraging me to go back to school for my Master's Degree. Sure! I don't mind. But is that really what I want to do? I'm not sure. It has been suggested on more than one occasion. "Why don't you just go get a Masters in what you do now" My answer is that I don't see the point in that. I can do what I do now with a Bachelors. Maybe I am being lazy, or maybe I am stalling because I long to do something else. Unfortunately there are so many walls and hurdles in front of me, and I don't know how to get past them. I am running out of time to decide. I have procrastinated for quite awhile and I still don't have any clarity on this.

Maybe clarity will come with more time.

(The picture above was taken at our annual trip to the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament.)

Friday, November 6, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Cheaper by the Campbell's

So in an effort to maintain our budget on our quest to become debt free, we now have to plan for our purchases. Hubby maintains our finances and I am in charge of finding good bargains. Today I went and visited two local thrift stores in our area. I was looking for toys for work, a bag for my toys, and interesting prints for the house. Here are the things I found!

Some prints for the bathroom.
A cool interactive book for work.
Touch and feel books for my babies.
A soft dog and dog house to practice In and Out.
A train to practice Up and Down and Off and On.
Busy blocks for Cause and Effect and Stacking.

Zoo animals that twist and turn and provide a good sensory experience to little ones.
A smaller bag for my baby toys.
A larger bag for my other toys. I realize that those aren't my initials on the bag but to find a sturdy bag for .99 cents, I will just deal with it.
And finally some trashy books that SOMEBODY got me hooked on.
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I got all this stuff for under $24.00! I love good thrift store finds!